


Texting Talks

by thebestever222



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual character(s), Bisexual Character(s), Demiboy, Gay, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Pansexual Character(s), alex talks a lot about johns freckles, also i didnt tag her but martha washington is probably gonna be there at some point, also johns siblings are mentioned sometimes, and a fashion icon, but he is a supporting father, can you tell i love them?, except maybe washington, have this gay shit, im not telling you whos what you can figure it out along the way, lafayette has lots of french nicknames for people, like super gay, mostly alex, no one in this group chat is cis/het, non-binary character(s), oh well, others are mentioned - Freeform, someone should really stop me, trans male character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-04-22 03:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14299833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebestever222/pseuds/thebestever222
Summary: AHamSandwich: I JUST MET THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY.





	1. Beautiful Boy

**_AHamSandwich_ > _Angel_ _-Hair-Pasta, Labaguette, pegleg, SonofaGod,_ and _TooGoodForThisWorld_**  
**Monday, October 16th at 2:34pm**

**_AHamSandwich_  has named the chat _HELP_**

**_AHamSandwich:_** GUYS.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** HELP ME.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** whats wrong?

 ** _pegleg:_** r u watching the notebook again

 ** _Labaguette:_** mon ange you know you’re too soft for that movie

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** What?  
**_AHamSandwich:_** THAT’S NOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Then what are you talking about?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I JUST MET THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** oooooo alex got a crush

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** HE HAD FRECKLES, ANGELICA.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** FRECKLES!

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** freckles huh?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** AND HIS EYES.  
_**AHamSandwich:**_ AND HIS VOICE.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I THINK I’M IN LOVE.

 ** _pegleg:_** oh u got it baaaaad

 ** _Labaguette:_** our sin is growing up

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** You mean our son?

 ** _Labaguette:_** I know what I said

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** did you talk to him alex???

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah…  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I sort of ran into him on the way to Washington’s room, actually.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I knocked all of his stuff out of his hands.

 **Angel-Hair-Pasta:** im sorry you did what now

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I KNOW.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I FEEL SO BAD.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** HE SAID HE WAS SORRY, EVEN THOUGH HE WASN’T THE ONE WHO DID ANYTHING WRONG.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** AND THEN, INSTEAD OF HELPING, I FUCKING BOLTED.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** HE WAS PRETTY, AND I PANICKED.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** jesus christ alex why are you like this

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I DON’T KNOW.

 ** _pegleg:_** well that relationship died before it even started

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** DON’T SAY THAT, PEGGY.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I AM LEGITIMATELY UPSET OVER THIS.

 ** _pegleg:_** its the truth dude

 ** _SonofaGod:_** oh my god

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** What now?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i know the guy you ran into

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** WHAT?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** he just moved in on my street two weeks ago  
**_SonofaGod:_** hes texting me in a panic bc of what happened

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER?

 **SonofaGod:** yeah i got it when me and my mom welcomed him to the neighborhood bc he didnt know anyone

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** ADD HIM.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** why?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** SO I CAN APOLOGIZE FOR MY SINS.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** okay i guess

**_SonofaGod_  has added _(856)-123-4567_ to the chat**

**_SonofaGod_  has changed _(856)-123-4567_ ’s name to _JLau_**

**_AHamSandwich:_** I AM SO SORRY.

 ** _JLau:_** what is happening

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Did Herc not explain?

 ** _JLau:_** no he just put me in a random chat with a bunch of strangers

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** HERCULES, WHAT THE FUCK?

 _ **SonofaGod:**_ what i didnt know i was supposed to tell him your tragic backstory

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Whatever. Anyway, I’m the dude who rammed into you earlier and ran away without helping you pick your stuff up.

 _ **JLau:**_ oh  
**_JLau:_** listen I’m sorry

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Why are you sorry?

 ** _JLau:_** is that not what you wanted me to say?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I mean, it was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, and I just sort of left you there without saying anything.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** So, sorry about that.

 ** _JLau:_** oh it’s fine don’t worry about it  
**_JLau:_** thanks for apologizing though

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I mean it, I feel super bad about that.  
_**AHamSandwich:**_ Is there something I can do to make it up to you?

 ** _JLau:_** you can take me out for dinner ;)

 ** _SonofaGod:_** since when are you such a flirt john

 ** _JLau:_** since your friend was cute

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** ahshshqosbvakakxk

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** he was all “please forgive me i am smol” two seconds ago and now hes all “whatever you say daddy”

 ** _JLau:_** I DID NOT SAY THAT OH MY GOD

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** CUTE ABAIANANGGUOSNGI

 ** _pegleg:_** i think he broke alex

 ** _JLau:_** so no date?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** YES DATE

 ** _JLau:_** cool  
**_JLau:_** I’m John Laurens  
**_JLau:_** what’s your name man?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** ALEXANDER HAMILTON

 ** _JLau:_** and is Friday at 6 good?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** YES  
**_AHamSandwich:_** SUCK IT PEGGY

 ** _Labaguette:_** you’re not using punctuation  
**_Labaguette:_** how flustered are you petit lion

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** SHUT UP, LAF.

 ** _Labaguette:_** that’s my sin

**_pegleg_  has named the chat _alex_ _is_ _a_ _sin_**

**_AHamSandwich:_** I hate all of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing.
> 
> Up next:
> 
> AHamSandwich: What the hell is wrong with all of you?


	2. Date Night Disasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHamSandwich: What the hell is wrong with all of you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this, but then I was impatient and posted it today. Oops.

**_AHamSandwich_ > _pegleg_**  
**Friday, October 20th at 5:27pm**

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** OH MY GOD. JOHN’S GOING TO BE HERE IN HALF AN HOUR, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR. HELP.

 ** _pegleg:_** i gotchu  
**_pegleg:_** but im gonna need some backup

  
**_pegleg_ > _AHamSandwich_ , _Angel-Hair-Pasta_ , _George Washington_ , _Labaguette_ , and _TooGoodForThisWorld_  
Friday, October 20th at 5:30pm**

 ** _pegleg:_** okay first things first

**_pegleg_ has named the chat _fashion squad_**

**_pegleg_ has changed _George Washington_ ’s name to _GWash_**

**_AHamSandwich:_** PEGGY, WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

 ** _pegleg:_** hush child

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** WHY IS WASHINGTON HERE?

 ** _pegleg:_** bc hes a fashion icon obviously

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** What’s happening?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** oooo are we helping alex get ready for his date

 ** _pegleg:_** of course  
**_pegleg:_** he cant do it on his own hes a mess

 ** _GWash:_** Excuse me?  
**_GWash:_** You never told me you were going on a date

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I told you that John was coming to get me at 6:00.

 ** _GWash:_** YOU NEVER SAID IT WAS A DATE

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’M SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU’D INFER.

 ** _GWash:_** INFER? ITS NOT LIKE YOU’VE EVER HAD A DATE BEFORE

 ** _Labaguette:_** oooo burn

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** you tell him gwash

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. JOHN IS COMING IN TWENTY MINUTES.

 ** _pegleg:_** oh right  
**_pegleg:_** send pictures of outfits u had in mind

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I DON’T HAVE ANY OUTFITS IN MIND, THAT’S WHY I CAME TO YOU.

 ** _pegleg:_** R U SERIOUS ALEX  
**_pegleg:_** GWASH R U HOME

 ** _GWash:_** NO I HAD TO STAY LATE AT THE SCHOOL

 ** _pegleg:_** AND MARTHA

 ** _GWash:_** BUSINESS TRIP

 ** _pegleg:_** GODDAMMIT  
**_pegleg:_** okay just show us ur closet

**_AHamSandwich_  has sent an image**

**_pegleg:_** WHAT THE FUCK ALEX U HAV LIK 3 THINGS IN THERE

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I KNOW

 ** _Labaguette:_** you’d better start praying mon ami

 ** _GWash:_** Okay Alexander I want you to go into my room and find the white dress shirt in the back of my closet  
**_GWash:_** It should fit you well enough and it’s a little fancy but it’ll work  
**_GWash:_** Then wear your dark jacket and nice dress pants with your new shoes  
**_GWash:_** It’ll look better with your hair up but wearing your hair down is okay as long as it’s brushed

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_ ** holy shit

 ** _pegleg:_** I TOLD U HE WAS A FASHION ICON

 ** _Labaguette:_** bravo monsieur Washington

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Why were the rest of us even invited? Clearly Washington has everything under control

 ** _Labaguette:_** I say you add gold body glitter to the mix

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** What the fuck, Laf? No.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** youtotallyshould

 ** _GWash:_** Glitter would be a nice addition

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** What the hell is wrong with all of you?

 ** _pegleg:_** thats why

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I see it now

  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _fashion squad_  
Friday, October 20th at 8:26pm**

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_ ** so how was the date

 ** _pegleg:_** did he kiss u goodnight

 ** _GWash:_** Alex isn’t home yet

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Really?  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** They were only going out for dinner, what’s taking them so long?

 ** _pegleg:_** i bet they went back to johns  
**_pegleg:_** to ya know  
**_pegleg:_** do the do

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** OH MY GOD, PEGGY. MY FATHER IS IN THIS CHAT.

 ** _pegleg:_** so? he sees u at school im sure he already knows u a hoe  
**_pegleg:_** what took u so long to answer huh?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** For your information, we did go back to John’s house.

 ** _pegleg:_** I KNEW IT

 ** _GWash:_** Alexander I didn’t need to know that

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** JESUS CHRIST, WE DIDN’T FUCK.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** We were watching a movie.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_ ** were?  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_ ** soundssuspicioustome

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, I’m still watching the movie.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** John fell asleep a little while ago, though.  
_**AHamSandwich:**_ I sort of have to pee, but he’s leaning on me, and it’s so cute I don’t want to wake him up.

 ** _pegleg:_** sorry dude ur fucked

**_Labaguette_ has named the chat _rip_ _Alex_**

**_pegleg:_** quit lurking laf

**_Labaguette_ has named the chat _no_**

**_AHamSandwich:_** Whatever, I’m just going to go to sleep and hope that when I wake up I don’t have to pee anymore.

 ** _GWash:_** So you’re not coming home?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Not unless you want me to wake up my boyfriend.

 ** _GWash:_** Boyfriend?

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Boyfriend?

 ** _pegleg:_** boyfriend u say?

 ** _Labaguette:_** BOYFRIEND

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** ALEXANDER HAMILTON YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT BEING OFFICIAL BOYFRIENDS WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT DATE

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oh, would you look at the time? I should go.

**_AHamSandwich_ has left the chat**

  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _alex_ _is_ _a_ _sin_  
Friday, October 20th at 8:44pm**

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** I WILL FIND YOU ALEXANDER

**_AHamSandwich_ has left the chat**

**_SonofaGod:_** whats going on?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** ALEX AND JOHN ARE BOYFRIENDS AND ALEX WONT TELL ME THE DETAILS

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it tomorrow, he just didn’t want to wake John up with all his texting

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** goddammit i hate when youre right

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: ugh i hate romance


	3. Angelica's Annoyance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel-Hair-Pasta: ugh i hate romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I have no updating schedule.

**_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ has added _AHamSandwich_ to _alex is a sin_  
Saturday, October 22nd at 12:46pm**

**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** ugh i hate romance

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Any reason for the sudden proclamation?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i was just watching this movie (because i have no life) and its not like it was bad or anything it just ended up focusing a lot on the romance between the main character and this dude

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** and throughout the whole movie both of them were like “were just friends guys and girls can just be friends jeez” but then they ended up getting together at the end anyway and a lot of the movie focused on them getting together/their relationship and im just annoyed because why is every movie about romance its like i can never get away from it

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** and i dunno maybe its just because im aro but i think its dumb that literally every movie and tv show is full of people falling in love with each other and giving up their dreams for this person when like no you shouldnt give up the goal youve been working toward youre whole life just because some dude comes along that wants to get in your pants if he loved you hed help you achieve your goal or accept that you two have to go your separate ways but that never happens in media and im just so frustrated that i cant enjoy anything without romance being shoved in my face and ugh im rambling whatever you get my point

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Wow, you’ve thought about this a lot.

 ** _Labaguette:_** been waiting to get that off your chest choupette?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** it just means a lot to me i think its so stupid that every guy/girl duo ends up getting together why cant they just be friends

 ** _pegleg:_** i feel u sister

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** thank you sibling at least someone understands

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I understand how you must be feeling, considering there is pretty much no aromantic (or asexual, for that matter) representation in any media. The lesser known identities are just overshadowed by heteronormativity and, at times, homosexuality, because having the stereotypical “gay” character creates diversity, but it’s a diversity that almost everyone is familiar with, regardless of whether or not they approve of it. Other orientations are usually portrayed as more of a phase that the characters go through, like the “bisexual phase,” where the main character has a brief fling with someone of the opposite gender before being decidedly labeled as heterosexual or homosexual, or the “aromantic phase,” where the main character is independent and doesn’t desire romance until “the one” comes along and changes the main character’s mind. However, things are changing. It’s slow-going, but it’s happening. Still, I think that it will probably be a while before there are any legitimate aromantic characters represented in media.

 ** _pegleg:_** damn alex over here writing a whole essay

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** well i cant complain i wrote more

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s not that long, I was just going more in depth on what Angelica said.

 ** _pegleg:_** yea but it sounds lik ur gonna submit it for class

 ** _JLau:_** he always sounds like that

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Nice of you to finally join us, John.

 ** _JLau:_** I’m right next to you why are you acting like I’ve been avoiding you

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, it’s not like you’ve been talking to me.

 ** _JLau:_** I was sleeping  
**_JLau:_** right next to you

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i believe you owe me a story alexander

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I thought you said you were done with romance?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** nice try but i said i was done with romance in movies  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** now get over here and tell auntie angelica all about your date

 ** _JLau:_** do I get a say in this

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** no this is brotime

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** John is literally right next to me, can we talk about this later?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** ugh fine but youd better come to me as soon as you get home

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay, okay.

 **  
** **_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _alex is a sin_  
Saturday, October 22nd at 2:38pm**

 **Angel-Hair-Pasta:** ALEXANDER

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oh, would you look at the time?

**_AHamSandwich_ has left the chat**

**  
** **_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _AHamSandwich_  
Saturday, October 22nd at 2:40pm**

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i hope you choke on johns dick

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** JESUS CHRIST, ANGELICA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> pegleg: ok bbs prepare to piss ur pants
> 
> JLau: can’t wait


	4. Halloween Horrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pegleg: okay bbs prepare to piss ur pants
> 
> JLau: can't wait

**_pegleg_ has added _AHamSandwich_ to _alex_ _is a sin_  
Tuesday, October 31st at 7:47pm**

**_pegleg:_** who wants to hav a horror movie marathon with me

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** We have school tomorrow

 ** _pegleg:_** its not lik we sleep anyway

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Good point

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Will we be watching Astro Boy?

 ** _pegleg:_** yes

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m in.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** That’s not even a horror movie

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** and its literal garbage

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Well I wasn’t gonna say it but yeah

 ** _pegleg:_** SHUT UR WHORE MOUTHS  
**_pegleg:_** astro boy is a cinematic masterpiece

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** it was made for five year olds and the ending is complete shit

 ** _pegleg:_** A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah, don’t come for my man Astro just because he has better hair than you.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** your man astro aint even a real person

 _ **AHamSandwich:**_ DON’T POKE AT HIS INSECURITIES, YOU EVIL WITCH.

 ** _pegleg:_** HES A ROBOT WITH THE HEART OF A LION  
**_pegleg:_** AND HES REALER THAN U WILL EVER BE

 ** _JLau:_** what are y’all even talking about

 ** _pegleg:_** JOHN U R COMING TO MY HOUSE AND I AM SHOWING U ART

 ** _JLau:_** okay I guess

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Laf, Herc, are you guys coming?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** not if your playing that bullshit

 ** _Labaguette:_** sorry petit lion but Astro boy is a little, how you say, fucking awful

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, what would you know, stupid baguette. Neither of you have ever even seen it.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** ive seen the end

 ** _Labaguette:_** I have as well and it sucks

 ** _pegleg:_** UR OPINIONS R INVALID U HAVNT EVEN SEEN THE WHOLE THING

 ** _SonofaGod:_** whatever  
**_SonofaGod:_** ill come if we watch nightmare before christmas

 ** _pegleg:_** i was already planning on doing that

 ** _SonofaGod:_** omw

 ** _Labaguette:_** I’m coming with herc  
**_Labaguette:_** I have some scary movies we can watch

 ** _pegleg:_** bring them

 ** _Labaguette:_** on it

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i guess ill pickup ham and john then

 ** _JLau:_** thanks

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Damn right you will.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** watch it

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Sorry, ma’am.

 ** _pegleg:_** ok bbs prepare to piss ur pants

 ** _JLau:_** can’t wait

  
**_pegleg_ > _alex is a sin_  
Tuesday, October 31st at 10:43pm**

**_SonofaGod:_** alex where tf are you

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m in the bathroom?

 ** _pegleg:_** no ur not i checked all the bathrooms

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Why the hell are you looking in all the bathrooms?

 ** _pegleg:_** because the movie finished and ur still not back lik wth is taking u so long  
**_pegleg:_** seriously tho where r u all the bathrooms r empty

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, look again, because I am definitely in here, washing my hands.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** hes not in the upstairs bathroom

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Or the downstairs bathroom

 ** _JLau:_** or whatever the hell bathroom I’m standing in right now

 ** _pegleg:_** and hes not in this one

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** im pretty sure we only have 4 bathrooms

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Where the hell am I, then?

 ** _Labaguette:_** mon ami seriously where are you I’m getting freaked out

 ** _pegleg:_** hes obviously fucking with us we just watched a horror movie

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah, I’m totally fucking with you guys. Don’t worry, Laf. I’m hiding in a closet.

 ** _Labaguette:_** oh good

 ** _SonofaGod:_** lol closet

 ** _JLau:_** you didn’t reassure me rude

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m sorry, baby muffin cakes, did I worry you?

 ** _JLau:_** maybe

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Wait, did I really?

 ** _JLau:_** well I didn’t know where you were how am I not supposed to worry?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Aw, now I feel bad.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** If I hug you and kiss your face, will you forgive me?

 ** _JLau:_** I’ll think about it

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Hold on, I’ll be there in a second.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** …  
**_AHamSandwich:_** The door won’t open.

 ** _pegleg:_** alex stop fucking around so we can watch the next movie

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m serious, it won’t open.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** alex i swear to god

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** NO GUYS IT REALLY WONT OPEN  
**_AHamSandwich:_** ITS DARK IN HERE AND MY PHONE’S AT TWO PERCENT HELP

 ** _pegleg:_** shit i think hes serious

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Okay where are you?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I DON’T KNOW I JUST DARTED INTO THE NEAREST CLOSET

 ** _pegleg:_** DO U NO HOW MANY CLOSETS R IN THIS HOUSE

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** NO BUT FIND ME I’M LEGIT PANICKING RIGHT NOW

 ** _JLau:_** OH MY GOD ALEX  
**_JLau:_** IM CRYING WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** DON’T CRY YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY

 ** _Labaguette:_** IM CRYING

 ** _SonofaGod:_** ALL OF YOU STOP CRYING

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** SOMEONE FIND ME

 ** _pegleg:_** WERE TRYING

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** GUYS

 ** _pegleg:_** WHAT  
**_pegleg:_** ALEX WHERE R U

 ** _JLau:_** HOLY FUCK DID HIS PHONE DIE

 ** _Labaguette:_** ALEX MON AMI LET US KNOW YOURE ALIVE

 ** _pegleg:_** SHIT

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** LESS TEXTING MORE LOOKING

 ** _JLau:_** found him

 ** _pegleg:_** WHERE WAS HE

 ** _JLau:_** he was in the closet next to the living room this whole time

 ** _pegleg:_** …  
**_pegleg:_** R U SERIOUS

 ** _JLau:_** deadly

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Is he okay?

 ** _JLau:_** well he’s kind of sobbing a little bit  
**_JLau:_** but he’s also clinging to me and whispering “I’ll never let go Jack” so how bad can he really be?

 ** _pegleg:_** is he really saying that?

 ** _JLau:_** I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I think it’s time for bed

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** im not usually one for sleeping early but that was emotionally distressing  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** john be a dear and drag alex out to the car with you

 ** _JLau:_** on it

 ** _pegleg:_** aww ur so sweet carrying alex all gay and shit

 ** _SonofaGod:_** pictures or it didnt happen

 ** _pegleg_** **has sent an image**  
**_pegleg:_** look at him kissing his little forhead

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** goddammit stop being so cute you two

 ** _Labaguette:_** heh gay

 ** _pegleg:_** stfu laf u gay baguette

 ** _SonofaGod:_** lol gay baguette

**_Labaguette_ has named the chat _gay baguettes_**

**_JLau:_** I hate this family

 ** _Labaguette:_** we love you too  <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of feelings about Astro Boy, okay?
> 
> Up next:
> 
> Burrrrrn: I know most of your names already, you’re pretty much all Alexander talks about
> 
> TooGoodForThisWorld: Aww that’s so sweet
> 
> JLau: I bet he talks about me the most
> 
> TooGoodForThisWorld: His ass was mine before it was yours so I don’t think so
> 
> pegleg: oh my GOD DID U JUST CUSS


	5. Aaron's Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burrrrrn: I know most of your names already, you’re pretty much all Alexander talks about
> 
> TooGoodForThisWorld: Aww that’s so sweet
> 
> JLau: I bet he talks about me the most
> 
> TooGoodForThisWorld: His ass was mine before it was yours so I don’t think so
> 
> pegleg: oh my GOD DID U JUST CUSS

**_AHamSandwich_ has added _(856)-765-1234_ to _gay baguettes_  
Wednesday, November 8th at 3:23pm**

**_AHamSandwich_ has changed _(856)-765-1234_ ’s name to _Burrrrrn_**

**_pegleg:_** ooo fresh meat

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Um

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Peggy, control yourself.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** lol like that will ever happen

 ** _Labaguette:_** who’s your friend petit lion?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** This is Aaron Burr. We have gym together and bonded over the fact that we’re super not cis.

 ** _pegleg:_** wow alex dont expose the dude

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I gave him permission

 ** _pegleg:_** oh good i was about to come for u alex

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Jeez, I would never do that without his permission.

 ** _pegleg:_** true

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Should we introduce ourselves?

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I know most of your names already, you’re pretty much all Alexander talks about

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Aww that’s so sweet

 ** _JLau:_** I bet he talks about me the most

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** His ass was mine before it was yours so I don’t think so

 ** _pegleg:_** oh my GOD DID U JUST CUSS

 ** _JLau:_** HIS ASS IS MINE NOW BACK OFF HOE

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** IF YOU CALL HER A HOE AGAIN I WILL RIP OUT YOUR TONGUE

 ** _JLau:_** THEN TELL HER THAT CLEARLY ALEX TALKS THE MOST ABOUT ME

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** SHE’D BE LYING

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Is one of you Lafayette?

 ** _JLau:_** …

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** …

**_JLau_ has left the chat**

**_AHamSandwich:_** WAIT, JACK.

**_AHamSandwich_ has added _JLau_ to the chat**

**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** OF COURSE ITS FREAKING LAF

 ** _Labaguette:_** awww mon ange I’m flattered

 ** _JLau:_** WHY DONT YOU JUST DATE LAF HUH ALEXANDER?

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I think I may have inadvertently set something in motion and I apologize

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** IT’S NOT LIKE THAT, OKAY? I’VE JUST KNOWN LAF FOR LIKE SEVEN YEARS, AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THEM.

 ** _Labaguette:_** her

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** HER*  
**_AHamSandwich:_** PLUS, I TALK ABOUT YOU PLENTY. THE DAY WE MET I PHYSICALLY COULDN’T STOP TELLING ANGELICA ABOUT YOUR FRECKLES.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** its true  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** he texted me past midnight and it was LITERALLY ALL ABOUT YOUR FRECKLES LIKE HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO TALK THAT MUCH ABOUT FUCKING FRECKLES?

 ** _pegleg:_** lol is that what u were screaming about at two in the morning

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** YES

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** “Shut the FUCK UP ABOUT ABOUT THE DAMN FRECKLES”

 ** _JLau:_** you care that much about my freckles?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** John, dear, your freckles are my FUCKING WEAKNESS.

 _ **JLau:**_ okay I forgive you

 ** _Labaguette:_** so what exactly did our dearest Alexander say about me

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I believe the comment that he makes most often is “how does Lafayette look so nice with a bun they are a literal QUEEN”

 ** _JLau:_** I feel like I should be upset that you called Laf a queen and not me but it’s so true

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I think we can all agree Laf is more of a queen than any of us

 ** _pegleg:_** true

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** so true

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i dont think anyone could disagree with that

 ** _Labaguette:_** aw you guys are so good to me

 _ **AHamSandwich:**_ Laf, you are the love of my life.

 ** _pegleg:_** i second that

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Can we all marry Laf?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i will FIND A WAY

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** TO GOOGLE.

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Why do I feel like I’ve joined a cult

 ** _pegleg:_** its probably because u hav

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I love Laf?
> 
> Up next:
> 
> AHamSandwich: Jack.
> 
> JLau: what
> 
> AHamSandwich: I’m cold.


	6. Confidential Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHamSandwich: Jack.
> 
> JLau: what
> 
> AHamSandwich: I’m cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play a fun drinking game. Take a shot every time someone says, "three in the morning." I guarantee you'll be drunk in no time.

**_AHamSandwich_ > _TooGoodForThisWorld_  
Sunday, November 12th at 2:37am**

**_AHamSandwich:_** Hey, Betsey?  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Are you awake?

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I am now

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oh, sorry.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** No it’s fine. What’s up?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’ve just been thinking about my and John’s relationship, and are we moving too fast?

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** What do you mean?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s just that we only met a month ago, and we started dating not that long after we met, and last night when I was spending the night at John’s, I woke up while he was still sleeping, so I was just watching him sleep peacefully, and my heart felt really happy, and I sort of just wanted to hug him close to me or something and stay like that forever.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Is there a problem with that?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not even a sexual thing, because, yeah, I’d like to do that with him at some point, but honestly I just want to lay in bed with him and do sickeningly cute things like cuddle him and kiss his forehead, and just the thought of being with him makes me so happy, and I think I might actually love him, and I want to tell him how I feel, but how do you even fall in love with someone in a month? I feel like we’re moving too fast, and I’m kind of scared that this is just some teenage thing where I’m just infatuated with him, even though I don’t think it’s like that, because I literally just want to make him as happy as he makes me, but I don’t know if I just can’t see it because I’m too close to it? I don’t know.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Okay Alex I’m going to be completely honest here and say that it is very possible that one day you and John will no longer be together. It’s also entirely possible that you will be together ten+ years in the future. No one knows what’ll happen when we graduate, and that’s okay. Either way it’s still perfectly valid for you to feel the way you do about him even if you two haven’t been dating for a long time. If you love John then you shouldn’t be ashamed to tell him that. Maybe you’re moving quickly, but every relationship is different and yours is no less real than anyone else’s okay?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I guess that is true.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I’m glad you came to me Alex but this is something you should probably also discuss with John. He’ll be able to assure you about it better than I can

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay, Betsey.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Thank you for putting up with my bullshit at three in the morning.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Alex I have two of the queerest people for siblings I’m used to midnight conversations so don’t worry about it  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** If you ever need to talk about anything I’ll always be willing to listen

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You sound like Washington.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** But seriously, thank you, Betsey.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** You’re welcome Alex  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Now get some sleep

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m cold, though.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Is that why you’re up so late?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Maybe.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Alex just get a blanket

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I have one.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I’m still cold.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Let me just

  
**_AHamSandwich_ > _JLau_  
Sunday, November 12th at 3:01am**

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Jack.

 ** _JLau:_** what

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m cold.

 ** _JLau:_** okay?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Come over and let me cuddle you.

 ** _JLau:_** it is three in the morning and you live like ten miles away

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Your point?

 ** _JLau:_** I cannot legally drive to your house at three in the morning

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You have a sister.

 ** _JLau:_** and you think she’s just gonna drive me to my boyfriend’s house at three in the morning?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Am I wrong?

 ** _JLau:_** fuck  
**_JLau:_** I’m on my way

  
**_AHamSandwich_ > _TooGoodForThisWorld_  
Sunday, November 12th at 3:09am**

 ** _AHamSandwich_** **has** **sent** **two** **images**  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Problem solved.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Your relationship is quite literally the purist thing in existence how did you ever doubt that

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I don’t know, Betsey. Crazy things happen at three in the morning.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Well, I have to go. John is climbing in through my window.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Of course he is  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Goodnight Alex

 ** _AHamSandwich_ has sent an image**  
**_AHamSandwich:_** night Eliza

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** OH MY GOD ARE YOU LAYING IN ALEX’S BED SHIRTLESS  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** JOHNATHON

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** not my name

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** JOHNATHON  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I WILL CALL WASHINGTON

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** relax it’s just hot in here

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Wasn’t Alex just complaining because he was cold?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** ;)

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I AM DIALING

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s okay, Betsey. I already made him put the shirt back on.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** OH MY GOD, STOP CALLING THE HOUSE. YOU’RE GOING TO WAKE UP WASHINGTON.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** THAT WAS THE IDEA  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** WE WERE JUST DISCUSSING THE PURITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP I WAS NOT ABOUT TO LET YOU HAVE SEX AT THREE IN THE MORNING WITH YOUR FATHER IN THE HOUSE

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I WOULD NEVER.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** WASHINGTON’S COMING DOWN THE HALL TO CHECK ON ME.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I’M CRYING. JOHN’S HIDING IN MY CLOSET.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** OH MY GOD

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** False alarm.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** It was just Laf. He was getting cereal and wanted to know why the phone was ringing so early.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Why is Laf at your house at three in the morning? And eating cereal?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** When isn’t Laf at my house at three in the morning? He practically lives here. Washington and Martha might as well adopt him.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** And he’s the only one who ever eats the cereal we buy, so it’s not like it’ll be missed.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Also, he says, “Hi, choupette.”

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Tell him I love him

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** He says that he already knows.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I CAN’T.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** HE JUST WINKED AND SAID, “Use protection, you two.”  
**_AHamSandwich:_** WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK WE’RE GOING TO HAVE SEX.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Because John is not a trustworthy person

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** true you right  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Jesus, he just keeps stealing my phone.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I’m going to bed. Goodnight.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Goodnight

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** night ;)

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** JOHNATHON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> AHamSandwich: WOAH, DID JEFFERSON JUST RESPECT PRONOUNS?
> 
> pegleg: THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT IS ENDING


	7. Jefferson's Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHamSandwich: WOAH, DID JEFFERSON JUST RESPECT PRONOUNS?
> 
> pegleg: THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT IS ENDING

**_Labaguette_ has added _jefferdonewithyourshit_ to _gay baguettes_  
Thursday, November 16th at 12:46pm**

**_pegleg:_** why

 ** _Labaguette:_** why not?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Maybe because Jefferson sucks???

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I resent that statement

 ** _Labaguette:_** he’s not that bad

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** listen to Lafayette, he knows what tf he’s talking about

 ** _Labaguette:_** it’s they/them right now

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** listen to Lafayette, they know what tf they’re talking about*

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** WOAH, DID JEFFERSON JUST RESPECT PRONOUNS?

 ** _pegleg:_** THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT IS ENDING

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** what?  
**_jefferdonewithyourshit:_** just because you asshats don’t like me doesn’t mean I’m a transphobic dickhead

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I don’t know, you just seemed like a hardcore trump supporter.

 ** _pegleg:_** oooo alex didnt capitalize a name

 ** _SonofaGod:_** thats how you know trump sucks

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** first of all I am NOT a trump supporter. Do I think a few of the things he says he’ll do might actually benefit the country? Yeah sure but how he says things isn’t tactful and sure a lot of people are like “he speaks his mind unlike other politicians I like that” and maybe he should be truthful about things but “being truthful” is not all that he’s doing. In reality he’s our fucking president and he shouldn’t talk like a high school boy with no filter between his brain and his mouth. I do not agree with a lot of the shit that comes out of his mouth and I do not agree with the shit he’s done to the LGBT+ community. Everyone who supports him says “oh but he didn’t lie to us like other presidents during their campaigns” but he did fucking lie to us he said he was gonna fight for us in his campaign and all he’s done for LGBT+ people so far is fuck us over like when he revoked protection for trans students using the restroom in public schools or when he made it clear that he doesn’t think trans people should serve in the military and I may not be trans but I know several people who are and I see how it makes them feel and how it affects them personally and it’s not fucking right. The fact that you assumed I supported someone that fucking against my people kind of makes me angry because I don’t agree with all your views and I never will but I am not some asshole who’s going to shit on other people and their basic rights as human beings

 ** _pegleg:_** well shoot now i feel bad for thinking ur an asshole

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** whatever

 ** _pegleg:_** no seriously  
**_pegleg:_** i guess i just assumed that since u didnt call me my preferred pronouns u just hated trans people or something but now that im thinking about it im realizing that i never actually told u directly what to call me

 _ **jefferdonewithyourshit:**_ wait what do you mean what are your pronouns?

 ** _pegleg:_** xe/xem

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** oh shit sorry

 ** _pegleg:_** its okay misunderstandings happen dude  
**_pegleg:_** never thought id be having such a civilized conversation with thomas jefferson

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I’m a civilized person

 ** _pegleg:_** yea but im not

 **jefferdonewithyourshit _:_** point taken  
**_jefferdonewithyourshit:_** where is everybody?

 ** _JLau:_** Alex is staring off into the distance, I think trying to come to terms with the fact that the two of you actually agree on something

 ** _Labaguette:_** wow and I thought I was a drama queen

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Shut up, baguette. I am not a drama queen.

 ** _JLau:_** HE LIVES

 ** _Labaguette:_** wow I feel so attacked

 ** _pegleg:_** ur username is literally labaguette

 _ **Labaguette:**_ it still hurts

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Listen, Jefferson, I’m sorry for thinking you were an LGBT-phobic asshole. I had no right to assume you would pick on people for stuff like that just because you don’t agree with me on certain things.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** did  
**_SonofaGod:_** did alex just apologize  
**_SonofaGod:_** TO JEFFERSON

 ** _pegleg:_** WHO R U AND WHAT HAV U DONE WITH THE REAL HAM

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** What? Peggy apologized.

 ** _JLau:_** yeah but xe hasn’t hated Jefferson from the moment xe met him

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I didn’t hate him.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I accept your apology Hamilton

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Shut the fuck up, Jefferson.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** well fine fuck you too

 ** _JLau:_** “didn’t hate him”

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Shut up, Jack. It’s not my fault he said it all smug-like.

 ** _JLau:_** Lex it was a text message

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah, a smug text message.

 ** _Labaguette:_**  John mon ami just give it up you’re never going to win against him

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** can I leave now?

 ** _pegleg:_** no ur part of this fucked up family now

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I didn’t agree to this

 ** _Labaguette:_** its too late you’ve already been adopted

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** sigh

  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _gay_ _baguettes_  
Thursday, November 16th at 2:23pm**

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** wait jeffersons a cool kid now???

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Who is Jefferson and why did we hate him?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** oh honey

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Jefferson is the bane of my existence, and we hated him because he is absolute garbage. However, it has now come to my attention that he is not as terrible as I had originally thought.

 ** _JLau:_** well it was almost a compliment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm salty so I made Jefferson salty.
> 
> Up next:
> 
> pegleg: r u seeing want im seeing alex
> 
> AHamSandwich: I think I am.
> 
> pegleg: looks like  
> pegleg: a bean™


	8. Meeting Madison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pegleg: r u seeing want im seeing alex
> 
> AHamSandwich: I think I am.
> 
> pegleg: looks like  
> pegleg: a bean™

**_jefferdonewithyourshit_ > _gay_ _baguettes_  
Friday, November 17th at 12:37pm**

**_jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I’m adding someone

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oh, no. I can’t take another you.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit_ has added ** _**(856)-345-1267** _ **to the chat**

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** shut the fuck up Hamilton

**_(856)-345-1267_ has changed _(856)-345-1267_ ’s name to _JamesCatison_**

_**JamesCatison:**_ Hello!  
**_JamesCatison:_** My name is James! Nice to meet all of you!

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Wait a minute.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Something isn’t right here.

 ** _JamesCatison:_** I’m sorry?

 ** _pegleg:_** r u seeing want im seeing alex

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I think I am.

 ** _pegleg:_** looks like  
**_pegleg:_** a bean™

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** wtf don’t call my boyfriend a vegetable

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Actually, beans are legumes, not vegetables.

 ** _pegleg:_** hold the phone  
**_pegleg:_** of all the people u could be dating james ur dating jefferson?

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Yes?  
**_JamesCatison:_** Is there something wrong with that?

 ** _pegleg:_** ur to pure for him  
**_pegleg:_** hes going to completely ruin u

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** fuck you

 ** _pegleg:_** case and point

 ** _JamesCatison:_** But Thomas is really sweet  
**_JamesCatison:_** He calls me handsome

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** because you are handsome  
**_jefferdonewithyourshit:_** and also beautiful  
**_jefferdonewithyourshit:_** you’re just great in general

 ** _pegleg:_** WHO TF IS TYPING RIGHT NOW

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** This is disgusting.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** like you have room to talk  
**_jefferdonewithyourshit:_** “I’m sorry baby muffin cakes did I worry you”

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** WHAT?  
**_AHamSandwich:_** YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN THE CHAT THEN, HOW DID YOU GET THAT?

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** Lafayette overshares

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** LAF.

 ** _Labaguette:_** oops sorry petit lion

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Whatever. That was a joke, anyway.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** “if I hug you and kiss your face will you forgive me”

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** LAF, WTF???

 ** _Labaguette:_** IM SORRY MON AMI IT WAS JUST SO CUTE I HAD TO

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Oh are you dating someone too?

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Yeah it’s me

 ** _JLau:_** I SWEAR TO GOD ELIZA

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** :)

 ** _JLau:_** don’t listen to her I’m his boyfriend

 ** _pegleg:_** john ur clearly confused  
**_pegleg:_** last i checked alex was definitely married to eliza

 ** _JLau:_** LEX THEYRE BULLYING ME

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I mean, they’re not wrong.

 ** _JLau:_** wow  
**_JLau:_** barely a month into this relationship and your true colors are already showing  
**_JLau:_** I feel so BETRAYED

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Aw, Jacky, you know my weak bisexual heart belongs to you.

 ** _JLau:_** yeah okay  
**_JLau:_** I guess my weak homosexual heart belongs to you

 ** _JamesCatison:_** I’m extremely confused but that was kind of sweet so I’m just going to go with it

  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _gay baguettes_  
Friday, November 17th at 2:23pm**

 _ **Angel-Hair-Pasta:**_ dammit why do i always miss all the important stuff

 _ **Burrrrrn:**_ because they always have these discussions DURING CLASS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> jefferdonewithyourshit has left the chat
> 
> jolly ole gay nicholas has added jefferdonewithyourshit to the chat
> 
> jolly ole gay nicholas: ITS CHRISTMAS AND UR ALL GONNA PRETEND TO LOV EACH OTHER


	9. Classified Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jefferdonewithyourshit has left the chat
> 
> jolly ole gay nicholas has added jefferdonewithyourshit to the chat
> 
> jolly ole gay nicholas: ITS CHRISTMAS AND UR ALL GONNA PRETEND TO LOV EACH OTHER

**_pegleg_ has added _AHamSandwich_ to _gay baguettes_  
Friday, December 1st at 12:01am**

**_pegleg:_** ITS CHRISTMAS

**_pegleg_ has named the chat _merry_ _queermas_**

**_pegleg_ has changed _pegleg_ ’s name to _jolly ole gay nicholas_**

**_AHamSandwich:_** I guess it’s time to break out the mistletoe.

 ** _Labaguette:_** way ahead of you mon cheri ;)

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** ;)

 _ **JLau:**_ no  
**_JLau:_** back off Laf his ass is mine

 ** _Labaguette:_** rude

**_jefferdonewithyourshit_ has left the chat**

**_jolly ole gay nicholas_ has added _jefferdonewithyourshit_ to the chat**

**_jolly ole gay nicholas:_** ITS CHRISTMAS AND UR ALL GONNA PRETEND TO LOV EACH OTHER

 ** _SonofaGod:_** peggy december just started

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** ur lucky i waited this long

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Yeah xe’s been decorating since the day after Halloween

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s quite astonishing how much money xe spends on Christmas decorations.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** if by astonishing you mean unhealthy

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** hush were rich  
**_jolly ole gay nicholas:_** ok so anyway what does everyone want

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I want my sanity back

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** im afraid thats one thing i cant do tommy

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** sigh

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i know what eliza wants for christmas ;)

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** wait  
**_jolly ole gay nicholas:_** what does that mean

 _ **TooGoodForThisWorld:**_ ANGELICA I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** eliza has a cruuuuuusshh

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** HOLY FUCK

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** YOU TOLD ANGELICA ABOUT THIS AND NOT ME?  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I’M HURT.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** APPARENTLY IT WAS THE WRONG CHOICE

 _ **AHamSandwich:**_ OBVIOUSLY, IT’S ANGELICA.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** wow rude

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** WHO IS IT

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** NO ONE

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** ANGELICA

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** ANGELICA I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TELL XEM IM DISOWNING YOU

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i wasnt gonna tell

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** WELL CLEARLY YOU CANT BE TRUSTED

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** please im not THAT awful  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** just hurry up and ask her out already

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** YEA GET SOME ELIZA

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I want to meet this person.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Not many are good enough for my wife.

 ** _JLau:_** UM  
**_JLau:_** EXCUSE ME

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oh, I’m sorry. Did I not tell you that Eliza and I are married?

 ** _JLau:_** NO YOU CONVENIENTLY LEFT THAT OUT

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oops.

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** im pretty sure we mentioned it before

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** He was mine first John

 ** _JLau:_** okay maybe but which one of us has seen his dick

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I would think neither of you, considering I don’t have one.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** im pretty sure elizas seen him naked more times than you have

 ** _JLau:_** STEP OFF ELIZA

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** ALEX IS MINE

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Hold on Alex doesn’t have a dick?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Nope.

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Are you trans????

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** lol dude half the people in this chat r trans

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Really?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** is that gonna be a problem madison

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Wait no I didn’t mean it like that  
**_JamesCatison:_** I was just excited because I just started figuring this whole trans thing out and I have no idea what I’m doing  
**_JamesCatison:_** Like we haven’t really met in person so you don’t know but I look like a girl because I haven’t cut my hair and I only have sports bras and girls clothes because I haven’t come out to my family yet and I don’t know what to do

 _ **jefferdonewithyourshit:**_ you don’t look like a girl Jemmy

 _ **JamesCatison:**_ Thanks Thomas but I know I don’t pass well

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** its all good mads we can help u out  
**_jolly ole gay nicholas:_** i mean laf is a fashion expert

 ** _Labaguette:_** oui

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** If you want, James, you can come to my house this weekend, and we can all help you out. A haircut shouldn’t be too complicated. Unless your parents don’t want you to get one, then it might be. I don’t know if I have a binder that fits you, but if I do, you’re welcome to take it; I have plenty more. Also, Washington will probably be home, and he helped me a lot when I was figuring things out because he is, in the words of our dear Peggy, “a fashion icon.” At the very least, you’ll feel a little bit more comfortable with your wardrobe. I can also talk to Washington about referring to you by your name if you haven’t done that already, and we can go to your other teachers from there.

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** oh yea gwash is definitely gonna be needed

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** you live with Washington?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, yeah, he’s my dad.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** really?  
**_jefferdonewithyourshit:_** but you don’t even have the same last name or look literally anything alike

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yes, really. Why do you think I always go to his room after school instead of out to the buses?  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Adoption exists, Jefferson.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I don’t know I just assumed you had like a club or something

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Nope.

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Thanks y’all are so nice to me and we haven’t even met in person and jeez I’ve never had friends like this before and gosh I’m crying now just thanks so much

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Aww James don’t cry of course we’d help you you’re our friend

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** we got ur back dude

 ** _SonofaGod:_** yea if you need clothes i could make some  
_**SonofaGod:**_ theyd be custom and everything

 _ **Labaguette:**_ promoting the family business I see

 _ **SonofaGod:**_ well ya know

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** dont think this means we forgot about u eliza

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Goddammit

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You can’t escape our love, Betsey.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** great way to ruin the moment Peggy

 ** _JamesCatison:_** I’m still crying so it’s fine

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I’m coming over

 ** _JamesCatison:_** You don’t have to I’m okay they’re happy tears

 _ **jefferdonewithyourshit:**_ I’m coming over

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Okay

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** lol thats gay

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Peggy, look at your username.

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** u right

  
**_Burrrrrn_ > _merry queermas_  
Friday, December 1st at 6:47am**

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Why are you all like this  
**_Burrrrrn:_** How are you going to run on five hours of sleep

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** well youre the only one in this chat who sleeps so the real question is why are YOU like this

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I hate you

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** are you coming to alexs tomorrow?

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Obviously, I have trans wisdom to impart to the queer youth

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** im pretty sure madisons older than you

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> jolly ole gay nicholas: ALL U QUEERS GET IN HERE
> 
> JamesCatison: I’m here
> 
> jefferdonewithyourshit: this girl better be worth my time
> 
> maRYEa: i don’t like your attitude
> 
> AHamSandwich: No one does, really.


	10. Maria Meets the Morons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jolly ole gay nicholas: ALL U QUEERS GET IN HERE
> 
> JamesCatison: I’m here
> 
> jefferdonewithyourshit: this girl better be worth my time
> 
> maRYEa: i don’t like your attitude
> 
> AHamSandwich: No one does, really.

**_TooGoodForThisWorld_ has added _(856)-765-4321_ to _merry queermas_  
Saturday, December 16th at 2:45pm**

**_JLau:_** who?

**_(856)-765-4321_ has changed _(856)-765-4321_ ’s name to _maRYEa_**

**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** OH SHIT

 ** _Labaguette:_** ???

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Okay so you guys remember when Angelica BETRAYED MY TRUST like two weeks ago

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** she didnt betray it enough if u ask me  
 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** WAIT IS THIS WHO SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT

 ** _maRYEa:_** lol yea i’m the mystery girl

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** So, this is the girl who thinks she’s good enough for my wife?

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Oh my God Alex don’t scare her off we only just started dating

 ** _JLau:_** he’s about to scare me off tbh

 _ **Labaguette:**_ I’m surprised he hasn’t already

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Hush, you both love me.

 ** _Labaguette:_** I do

 ** _JLau:_** well…

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** That’s not what you said last night.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** oooooo

 ** _maRYEa:_** jesus what have i walked into

 _ **SonofaGod:**_ we didnt need to know alex

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Wait, I didn’t mean it like that! Get your minds out of the gutter!  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** John just called me last night to say he loves me before he went to sleep.

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** god how r u guys so pure i just

 ** _maRYEa:_** i ship it and i don’t even know what it is

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** oh right we should probably have introductions

 ** _JLau:_** yeah everyone should say their name and pronouns

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** ALL U QUEERS GET IN HERE

 ** _JamesCatison:_** I’m here

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** this girl better be worth my time

 ** _maRYEa:_** i don’t like your attitude

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** No one does, really.

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Who’s going first?

 ** _maRYEa:_** well i’m new here so i’ll start  
 ** _maRYEa:_** the name’s maria reynolds (it’s spelled weird, but i promise it’s pronounced like mariah) and my pronouns are she/her

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** we never did this when I joined the chat

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s because no one likes you.

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** To be fair we didn’t do this when anyone joined the chat

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** thats because marias better than all of you now hush

 ** _JLau:_** okay well I’ll just go  
 ** _JLau:_** my name’s John Laurens, he/him pronouns

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m Alexander Hamilton, and my pronouns are he/him as well. I also happen to be married to Betsey, so you have to prove your worth to me before I approve of this relationship.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** thats not how marriage works

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** To each their own I suppose

 ** _maRYEa:_** liz you never told me you were married

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Ignore him he’s an idiot

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Wow, I see how it is.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s fine, just deny our relationship. I DON’T CARE.

 ** _Labaguette:_** there there petit lion  
 _ **Labaguette:**_ there are other fish in the sea

 ** _JLau:_** yeah like THE ONE YOURE CURRENTLY DATING

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I love you, Jacky.  <3

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I think we’re getting off track

 ** _Labaguette:_** oh yeah  
 ** _Labaguette:_** well since my full name is way too long to type out you can just call me Lafayette or Laf and right now my pronouns are he/him but they vary so they/them is always a safe bet if you’re unsure because I am, how you say, emotionally unstable at the best of times and will probably burst into tears if you use the wrong pronouns on the wrong day

 ** _maRYEa:_** same dude  
 _ **maRYEa:**_ i’ll remember they/them

 _ **SonofaGod:**_ okay the names hercules mulligan and the pronouns are he/him

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** hi im elizas big sis angelica  
 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** pronouns are she/her and my friends call me angie

 ** _JLau:_** literally no one here calls you angie

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** my friends call me angie

 ** _JLau:_** wow rude

 ** _Lafayette:_** I feel attacked

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** My name is Aaron Burr and I use he/him pronouns

 ** _JamesCatison:_** I’m James Madison and my pronouns are also he/him!

 _ **maRYEa:**_ you seem like a bubbly person

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** he is  
 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** when he’s not dying

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Yeah I do get sick a lot…

 ** _maRYEa:_** aw you poor babe

 ** _JamesCatison:_** It’s okay, Thomas always comes over and hangs out with me when I’m sick  
 ** _JamesCatison:_** Which probably isn’t a good idea but he never seems to get sick so I guess it’s fine

 _ **maRYEa:**_ and thomas would be?

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I’m Thomas Jefferson, he/him pronouns

 ** _maRYEa:_** oh the asshole gotcha

 ** _SonofaGod:_** is that everyone?

 **jolly ole gay nicholas:** ithinkso

 ** _maRYEa:_** wait who is jolly ole gay nicholas?

 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** oh lol i forgot myself  
 ** _jolly ole gay nicholas:_** im elizas little sibling peggy xe/xem pronouns if u will

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** cant believe we almost forgot good ole peggles

 ** _SonofaGod:_** lol peggles

**_AHamSandwich_ has changed _jolly_ _ole_ _gay_ _nicholas_ 's name to _Peggles_**

**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I’m so sorry for them

 ** _maRYEa:_** lol its fine i like it here  
 ** _maRYEa:_** you know some good people liz they seem to love you a lot

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Yeah I’ll give them that much

 ** _Peggles:_** lol my name sounds lik a pig

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Are you not a pig?

 ** _Peggles:_** good point  
 ** _Peggles_ has sent a video**

 ** _JLau:_** OMG YOU SOUND JUST LIKE A PIG

 ** _Peggles:_** ive found my calling

 ** _Lafayette:_** I believe in you petite licorne

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** YOU BE THE BEST PIG YOU CAN BE.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I hate this family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maria is probably regretting her choices right now.
> 
> Up next:
> 
> JamesCatison: Do you think something happened?
> 
> SonofaGod: i saw king and his merry band of dickwads earlier
> 
> maRYEa: they probably said something to xem
> 
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: ill rip their hearts out of their fucking chests  
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: jefferson
> 
> jefferdonewithyourshit: on it


	11. Peggy's Problematic Peers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JamesCatison: Do you think something happened?
> 
> SonofaGod: i saw king and his merry band of dickwads earlier
> 
> maRYEa: they probably said something to xem
> 
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: ill rip their hearts out of their fucking chests  
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: jefferson
> 
> jefferdonewithyourshit: on it

**_TooGoodForThisWorld_ > _merry_ _queermas_  
Friday, December 22nd at 7:27pm**

_**TooGoodForThisWorld:**_ Has anyone seen Peggy?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** not lately

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** No. Why, did something happen?

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I don’t know I just haven’t seen xem in a while

 ** _JLau:_** I think I saw xem leave a little bit ago

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** and you didnt say anything??

 ** _JLau:_** I thought xe might be going to the bathroom but xe hasn’t come back in a while

 ** _Labaguette:_** Peggy mon petite licorne why’d you leave the dance?

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Do you think something happened?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i saw king and his merry band of dickwads earlier

 ** _maRYEa:_** they probably said something to xem

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** ill rip their hearts out of their fucking chests  
 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** jefferson

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** on it

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Does anyone know where Peggy would go?

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I have eyes on Seabury  
 _ **jefferdonewithyourshit:**_ he’ll lead me right to king

 ** _Labaguette:_** maybe try asking xem?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** ive got lee  
 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** hes with king

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Xe’s not answering my texts

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** Seabury’s approaching the group

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** corner them

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Could you try Alex? Xe might talk to you

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You think?

 ** _Labaguette:_** you two have a spiritual connection of course xe will answer you mon ange

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay, I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.

  
**_AHamSandwich_ > _Peggles_  
Friday, December 22nd at 7:34pm**

**_AHamSandwich:_** Hey, Pegs.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You want to tell me where you are right now?

 ** _Peggles:_** no

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay, that’s fine.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Want to tell me what happened at least?

 ** _Peggles:_** its stupid

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m sure it’s not.

 ** _Peggles:_** its just u know i wore a dress and everything bc i like dresses but king and his douchebags found me and they just started saying basically that i should just call myself a girl bc i dress and act lik one anyway and that im just being nb for the attention or something and now im sort of wondering whether i should hav just worn a suit or not

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** But you wanted to wear a dress.

 ** _Peggles:_** i know but a suit would hav been more androgynous

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** First of all, femininity can be androgynous, no matter what people tell you.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Second of all, who cares if you don’t dress like the stereotypical non-binary person? Last I checked, everyone is different, and you can wear whatever you want, non-binary or otherwise. Would you say I can’t wear a skirt just because I’m a boy?

 ** _Peggles:_** obviously not u rock skirts and are definitely not a girl

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Then it stands to reason that you should be able to rock a dress and also not be a girl. Clothes are not gendered, society just makes them out to be. Wear what you want to wear, and if anyone has a problem with it, I’m pretty sure Angelica will murder them.

 ** _Peggles:_** tru angelica is scary

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m actually pretty sure she and Jefferson are attacking King and his minions right now.

 ** _Peggles:_** awww does jefferson really care that much about wittle ol me

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** He’s probably just trying to impress Madison.

 ** _Peggles:_** lol u right

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You want to come back in here and join us now? I’ve got a dance saved for you, if you’ll take the offer.

 ** _Peggles:_** awww of course ill dance with u ur my fav boy  
 ** _Peggles:_** just dont tell john he might get jealous that im stealing his man

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m sure he’ll survive.

**  
_Peggles_ > _merry_ _queermas_  
Friday, December 22nd 8:05pm**

**_Peggles:_** did u guys miss me

 ** _JLau:_** XE LIVES

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

 ** _Labaguette:_** PETITE LICORNE YOU HAD ME WORRIED

 ** _Peggles:_** laf plz not the nickname

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Laf’s going to keep calling you that until the day she dies, so you might as well get used to it.

 ** _Peggles:_** sigh  
 ** _Peggles:_** where are the other ones?

 ** _JamesCatison:_** I think Angelica and Thomas got kicked out for trying to bludgeon someone to death

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** listen king had it coming

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I’m pretty sure we’re suspended for a while

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I might be able to pull some strings, but I can’t make any promises.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** what strings can you pull?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’ve got connections. Don’t you worry about it, Jefferson.

 ** _Peggles:_** lol alex stop trying to sound cool we know its really gwash whos got the connections

 ** _maRYEa:_** ha xe’s got you pegged

 ** _SonofaGod:_** heh pegged get it cuz peggy

 ** _maRYEa:_** hercules you get me

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, I’m connected to him, so it counts.

 ** _Peggles:_** whatever  
 ** _Peggles:_** i believe u owe me a dance alexander

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I did say that, didn’t I?

 _ **Peggles:**_ yep  
 ** _Peggles:_** come find me on the dance floor

 ** _JLau:_** wait what what dance

 ** _Peggles:_** nothing nothing

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Don’t worry about it, Jack.

 ** _JLau:_** it didn’t sound like nothing  
 _ **JLau:**_ ARE YOU DANCING WITH ANOTHER PERSON

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Only if you consider Peggy a person.

 ** _JLau:_** fair point I’ll allow it

 ** _Peggles:_** i came here to hav a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now

**  
_Burrrrrn_ > _merry_ _queermas_  
Saturday, December 23rd at 7:36am**

**_Burrrrrn:_** Where do you guys even find the time to text this much I don’t understand

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** maybe if you went to the dance with us this wouldnt have happened

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Wow I’m surprised you’re even awake right now

 _ **Angel-Hair-Pasta:**_ im not really its all coffee and energy drinks

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** How are you still alive

 _ **Angel-Hair-Pasta:**_ im not really its all coffee and energy drinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> SonofaGod: wait fuck the gift exchange is tomorrow?
> 
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: uh yea weve had this planned for a month herc where have you been
> 
> Labaguette: oh no
> 
> AHamSandwich: Shit.


	12. Mulligan Makes a Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SonofaGod: wait fuck the gift exchange is tomorrow?
> 
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: uh yea weve had this planned for a month herc where have you been
> 
> Labaguette: oh no

**_SonofaGod_ > _AHamSandwich_  
Monday, December 25th at 12:39am**

**_SonofaGod:_** i kind of want to text laf and tell them how i feel but like how

 ** _SonofaGod:_** should i just say it?

  
**_SonofaGod_ > _AHamSandwich_  
Monday, December 25th at 1:23am**

**_SonofaGod:_** i typed out a confession but I CANT PRESS SEND IM PANICKING

 ** _SonofaGod:_** ugh i cant im just gonna go to sleep

  
**_AHamSandwich_ > _SonofaGod_  
Monday, December 25th at 6:57am**

**_AHamSandwich:_** FUCK, HERC, I’M SO SORRY. I WAS SLEEPING.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** its fine

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Did you tell Laf how you feel?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** no i chickened out

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You should have told them.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** but then itd mess everything up

 _ **AHamSandwich:**_ Not if Laf likes you back.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** the chances of that happening are pretty much slim to none

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Herc, we’ve been over this.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You’re great. I’m pretty sure Laf likes you. And even if they don’t, they won’t let it ruin your friendship.

 _ **SonofaGod:**_ i know i just idk  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** maybe ill tell them later

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Do what you think is best. I think you should tell them, but not if you’re not ready to.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** well see what happens

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** okay

  
**_SonofaGod_ > _Labaguette_  
Monday, December 25th at 6:47pm**

**_SonofaGod:_** hey

 ** _Labaguette:_** hi?  
 ** _Labaguette:_** do you need something?

 _ **SonofaGod:**_ why would i need something?

 ** _Labaguette:_** I don’t know we just never really text outside the group chat much anymore do we?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i guess we don’t  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** but no i dont need anything  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** i just wanted to talk

 ** _Labaguette:_** oh  
 ** _Labaguette:_** about what?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** just stuff  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** how was your day?

 ** _Labaguette:_** what are we a married couple now?

 _ **SonofaGod:**_ i didnt mean it like that sorry i didnt want to come off like i thought we were a couple  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** because obviously were not a couple or anything like why would we be lol

 ** _Labaguette:_** Herc calm down I was only kidding  
 ** _Labaguette:_** what’s wrong mon ami?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** idk school and stuff

 ** _Labaguette:_** it’s winter break?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i mean like idk  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** i dont really know how to say it but i typed this whole thing out last night so maybe ill just send that

 ** _Labaguette:_** you typed a whole thing?  
 ** _Labaguette:_** about what?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** okay so like i don’t actually know how to say this but im just gonna go for it ive basically had this huge crush on you for like two years and dont really know when it happened but your just really great and im not really sure how else to describe it youre just handsome and pretty and beautiful and i really want to kiss you sometimes and like hold your hand which i mean i do anyway but i want to hold it in like a dating way so like maybe we could go out sometime or something?

 ** _Labaguette:_** Hercules  
 ** _Labaguette:_** can I call you?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** preferably not because i might actually cry?

 _ **Labaguette:**_ even if it’s calling you my boyfriend????

 ** _SonofaGod:_** IM STILL CRYING WTF THAT WAS SO SMOOTH

 ** _Labaguette:_** :))))))))))  
 ** _Labaguette:_** all jokes aside  
 ** _Labaguette:_** we should go out on Saturday

 ** _SonofaGod:_** yea we can go to the movies or something  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** ill look at show times

 ** _Labaguette:_** okay  
 ** _Labaguette:_** keep me updated

 ** _SonofaGod:_** yea

  
**_SonofaGod_ > _AHamSandwich_  
Monday, December 25th at 7:07am**

**_SonofaGod:_** OH MY GOD  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** I HAVE A DATE ON SATURDAY

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** OH MY GOD.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** TELL ME EVERYTHING, NOW.

**_SonofaGod_ has sent three images**

**_AHamSandwich:_** Aw, you two are cute.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** thanks?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, it’s good that everything worked out.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** yea i thought laf would definitely say no  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** now im sort of just really happy??? its nice

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Good for you, Herc.  
 _ **AHamSandwich:**_ Now, go research those show times.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** already on it

  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _merry queermas_  
Friday, December 29th at 8:37pm**

**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** everyone still on for the gift exchange tomorrow?

 ** _maRYEa:_** yesssssss

 ** _JamesCatison:_** It’s at your house right?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** yep i sent the address to everyone individually so you should have it

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Okay just making sure

 ** _SonofaGod:_** wait fuck the gift exchange is tomorrow?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** uh yea weve had this planned for a month herc where have you been

 ** _Labaguette:_** oh no

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Shit.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** shoot i completely forgot  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** what times is it again?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** six  
 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** i swear to god herc if you made plans you better cancel them

 ** _SonofaGod:_** its fine its fine  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** i should be done by six

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** good  
 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** what did you make plans for anyway?

 ** _SonofaGod:_** oh  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** you know  
 ** _SonofaGod:_** stuff

 ** _JLau:_** sounds suspicious if you ask me

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well, no one was asking you, John.

 ** _JLau:_** wow rude

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** alex you seem to know whats going on so spill

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Sorry, I’ve been sworn to secrecy.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** no you havent

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah, I know, but this makes it more interesting.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Also, it’s none of my business.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** like thats stopped you before

 ** _Labaguette:_** Herc and I are going on a date

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** !!!  
 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO TELL ME BEFORE NOW  
 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** HOW FREAKING RUDE

 ** _SonofaGod:_** well youre not exactly trustworthy

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** *cough* Maria *cough*

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** YOU BREAK SOMEONES TRUST ONE TIME

 ** _maRYEa:_** so you two gonna tell us about that date????

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i mean were just going to the movies

 ** _Peggles:_** laf do that smooth stretch yawn thing

 ** _Labaguette:_** I was already going to

 ** _Peggles:_** i knew i raised u right  
 ** _Peggles:_** im so proud

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Good for you guys

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Yeah, congratulations!

 ** _Peggles:_** pure™

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** y’all’ve been pining after each other for fucking ever it’s about time you made a move

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Every time Jefferson texts, I feel like I’m in Texas.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I’m from Virginia you fuckwad

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Close enough.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** it’s really not

 ** _JLau:_** weren’t we talking about Herc and Laf

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** We were.

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** and now we’re not

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s simple, really.

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** ew wtf

 ** _JLau:_** they’re finishing each other’s sentences

 ** _Peggles:_** they only unite thru sarcasm

 ** _maRYEa:_** it’s a phenomenon that only occurs once every three hundred years

 ** _SonofaGod:_** guys i feel like were messing with forces we dont fully understand

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Well

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** you’re not wrong

 ** _Labaguette:_** this is creepy in a way I can’t explain

 ** _Peggles:_** it’s the devil is what it is

 ** _SonofaGod:_** SORCERY

 ** _maRYEa:_** okay uther calm down

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i love you for getting that reference

 ** _maRYEa:_** :)

 ** _Labaguette:_** wow okay flirt right in front of Eliza and I whatever it’s FINE

 ** _SonofaGod:_** <3

 ** _maRYEa:_** <3

 ** _SonofaGod:_** well i tried

**_Labaguette_ has left the chat**

**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** I

**_TooGoodForThisWorld_ has left the chat**

**_maRYEa:_** oops

  
**_Burrrrrn_ > _merry_ _queermas_  
Saturday, December 30th at 7:27am**

**_Burrrrrn:_** I  
 ** _Burrrrrn:_** How do you all text THIS FREAKING MUCH  
 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I woke up to seventy messages like what are you DOING

  
**_Angel-Hair-Pasta_ > _merry queermas_  
Saturday, December 30th at 11:35am**

**_Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** its your fault for going to asleep at 800 like who does that???

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Did you JUST wake up?

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** maybe??????

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I

**_Burrrrrn_ has left the chat**

**_maRYEa:_** well there goes another one

 ** _Angel-Hair-Pasta:_** oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> AHamSandwich: PEGGY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
> 
> Peggles: do i?


	13. Perplexing Pronouns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHamSandwich: PEGGY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
> 
> Peggles: do i?

**_AHamSandwhich_ > _Peggles_  
Wednesday, January 3rd at 11:47pm**

_**AHamSandwich:**_ I think that I like they/them pronouns.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

 ** _Peggles:_** well  
 ** _Peggles:_** i could be wrong  
 ** _Peggles:_** but i think it means u like they/them pronouns

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** PEGGY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

 ** _Peggles:_** do i?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s just I’ve been using he/him pronouns for so long, and I always thought that I just had an appreciation for they/them pronouns, but now I think I might actually like them for myself and it’s kind of worrying me because I thought I had everything figured out and now I don’t think I do.

 ** _Peggles:_** ok first things first  
 ** _Peggles:_** do u still like he/him pronouns?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yes?  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s like sometimes I’m all about he/him pronouns and I don’t want to hear anything else but then sometimes the thought of hearing he/him in reference to me makes me feel like I’m going to be physically sick and I just don’t understand how that can be

 _ **Peggles:**_ hmmmmmmm  
 ** _Peggles:_** well  
 ** _Peggles:_** it sounds like u might be demi

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Demisexual? That doesn’t even make sense.

 ** _Peggles:_** no dumbdumb demigender  
 ** _Peggles:_** in ur case a demiboy

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** What does that mean?

 ** _Peggles:_** ok so basically a demiboy is someone who identifies as partially male and (usually) partially some other nb gender  
 ** _Peggles:_** does that sound like u?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Maybe???  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I don’t know, I don’t usually feel like both simultaneously.

 ** _Peggles:_** u dont hav to  
 ** _Peggles:_** i mean u can feel that way and still be a demiboy but u can feel the way u do and identify with it too  
 ** _Peggles:_** there r no rules here alex

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** But I’ve been identifying as a boy for so long, what if people think I’m confused?

 ** _Peggles:_** no one we know will care  
 ** _Peggles:_** anyone else doesn’t matter

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oh my God.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** John’s gay.

 ** _Peggles:_** yea…  
 ** _Peggles:_** ur point…?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** He likes dudes.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** And I’m not always a dude.  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Would he even like me anymore if I’m not a dude?  
 ** _AHamSandwich:_** What if he breaks up with me?

 ** _Peggles:_** calm down john loves u  
 ** _Peggles:_** lik more than i hav ever seen a guy love a person in my life  
 ** _Peggles:_** u could probably kill someone and hed still worship you

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You think so?

 ** _Peggles:_** i know so  
 ** _Peggles:_** we all love u and everyone will be totally understanding

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I know, I’m just a mess.

 ** _Peggles:_** welcome to the club  
 ** _Peggles:_** all us nbs are a mess just ask laf

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Both of you are a mess.

 ** _Peggles:_** i wont deny it

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Thanks, Peggy.

 ** _Peggles:_** any time bb

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Seriously though, Peggy. I love you.

 ** _Peggles:_** love u to ham  <3

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Are you never going to let that nickname die?

 ** _Peggles:_** look at ur username and ask me that again

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** <3

 ** _Peggles:_** thats what i thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> AHamSandwich: Are you all right?
> 
> maRYEa: yeah why wouldn’t i be?
> 
> AHamSandwich: Let me rephrase: I know that you’re not all right, do you want to talk about it?


	14. Happiness and Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHamSandwich: Are you all right?
> 
> maRYEa: yeah why wouldn’t i be?
> 
> AHamSandwich: Let me rephrase: I know that you’re not all right, do you want to talk about it?

**_AHamSandwich_ > _maRYEa_  
Thursday, January 4th at 5:36pm**

**_AHamSandwich:_** Hello.

 ** _maRYEa:_** hi?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Are you all right?

 ** _maRYEa:_** yeah why wouldn’t i be?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Let me rephrase: I know that you’re not all right, do you want to talk about it?

 ** _maRYEa:_** alex i literally have no idea what you’re talking about

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You’ve been acting off lately. You seem like you’re hold yourself back from speaking, and you always act tense and on edge.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** I’m not angry, I’m just worried, okay?

 ** _maRYEa:_** i appreciate the concern but i’m fine alex

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about, but I just want you to know that if you feel like you need to talk about something, and you can’t talk to Eliza or anyone else, I’ll listen.

 ** _maRYEa:_** i don’t have anything to talk about

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay.

  
**_AHamSandwich_ > _maRYEa_  
Friday, January 5th at 6:34pm**

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You haven’t said anything all day.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** Do you want to talk yet?

 ** _maRYEa:_** no alex just leave me alone

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay.

  
**_maRYEa_ > _AHamSandwich_  
Saturday, January 6th at 9:47pm**

 ** _maRYEa:_** my ex moved to town

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Oh?

 ** _maRYEa:_** and like he hasn’t said anything to me but i just feel uneasy knowing he’s around you know?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I know.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** This is sort of a personal question, and you definitely do not have to answer if you don’t want to, but did he ever hit you?

 ** _maRYEa:_** yeah

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Do you want to talk about it?

 ** _maRYEa:_** yeah

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay.

 ** _maRYEa:_** it’s just  
**_maRYEa:_** he would make me feel really bad about myself and make me feel like i needed him

 ** _maRYEa:_** and he would hit me and i knew i needed help but i didn’t know who to go to because how do you even say something like that?

 ** _maRYEa:_** and i didn’t know what he would do if i told and a part of me still wanted to be with him so for a long time i didn’t tell anyone but then i moved here over the summer and it sort of gave me an excuse to end things with him

 ** _maRYEa:_** but everything wasn’t just okay after that so i didn’t really talk to anyone and then washington started figuring things out and i don’t know how but i guess he could just tell by how i was acting and he offered to let me stay after school in his class room sometimes and i never actually said anything to him and he didn’t ask but it was just nice to be somewhere where i didn’t feel trapped or alone because i hadn’t felt like that in such a long time and that’s actually how i met eliza you know

 ** _maRYEa:_** and things were okay for a while because i had eliza and i met you guys but now he’s here for whatever fucking reason and i’m just scared things are going to go back to how they were

 _ **AHamSandwich:**_ I know it’s hard, but don’t be scared of him. That’s just what he wants. He wants to make you feel like you’re alone and that he’s the only person who will understand you so that you’ll come running back to him, but that’s not true. You have all of us, and we won’t let him hurt you. If he tries anything, we’ll call the cops, and we’ll get him put away. And if you don’t feel safe where you are, you can definitely stay with one of us for a while.

 ** _maRYEa:_** thanks alex but i think i’m okay at home

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Okay.

 ** _maRYEa:_** at least one good thing came out of this

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah?

 ** _maRYEa:_** i got to meet you guys  
**_maRYEa:_** if washington hadn’t noticed i’d probably still be in the same place i was two months ago

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah. I guess he has experience with the mannerisms of abuse victims.

 ** _maRYEa:_** you?

 _ **AHamSandwich:**_ Yeah.

 ** _maRYEa:_** was it an ex too?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It was my dad, actually.

 ** _maRYEa:_** oh alex  
**_maRYEa:_** you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to i didn’t share to make you feel pressured into doing it to

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** No, it’s okay. I haven’t really told anyone, and I want to tell you.

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** He wasn’t really my dad. He was just the guy who helped conceive me. He was hardly worthy of the title. Washington’s the only dad I’ve ever had.

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** My mom would try to protect me, and I’m grateful that she did, but I also wish that she didn’t. I was so little, though, and I couldn’t do anything.

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I just felt so helpless, you know? Because I was too little and too weak, and I couldn’t tell anyone because then he’d just hurt my mom more.

 ** _maRYEa:_** god that’s awful  
**_maRYEa:_** i really just wanna hug you right now

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** It’s okay, it was a really long time ago. He left when I was ten, haven’t seen him since.

 ** _maRYEa:_** still shit like that leaves scars

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah. To be honest, I’m not even sure why the Washingtons adopted me. When we met, I was just some thirteen-year-old brat with major trust issues and the mouth of a sailor. I wouldn’t even look at Washington. He and Martha are fucking saints.

 ** _maRYEa:_** you must be close with them then huh?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah.  
**_AHamSandwich:_** They basically saved my life. They gave me a home and a family, and they just accepted me with open arms, exactly as I am. I owe them big time.

 ** _maRYEa:_** washington’s the reason i worked up the courage to trust people again and he’s the reason i met all of you  
**_maRYEa:_** i owe him big time too

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Washington’s, like, the savior of lost souls, I guess.

 ** _maRYEa:_** yeah

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** You want to come over for a little while? We can watch a movie or something, maybe play video games? Laf’s floating around my house somewhere, so she’ll probably join in.

 ** _maRYEa:_** sounds good  
**_maRYEa:_** it’d be nice to get our minds off all this depressing shit

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** My thoughts exactly.

 ** _maRYEa:_** on my way now

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** See you soon.

 ** _maRYEa:_** yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> SonofaGod: aw look elizas got flowers in her hair
> 
> maRYEa: thank you hercules for acknowledging my MASTERPIECE


	15. Daisies and Dandelions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SonofaGod: aw look elizas got flowers in her hair
> 
> maRYEa: thank you hercules for acknowledging my MASTERPIECE

**_Peggles_ > _merry_ _queermas_**

**Tuesday, January 9th at 2:57pm**

**_Peggles:_** eliza if u dont hurry up angelicas gonna drive away without u

 ** _Peggles:_** oh wait

**_Peggles_ has added _Burrrrrn_ , _Labaguette_ , and  _TooGoodForThisWorld_  to the chat**

_**Peggles:**_ ****eliza if u dont hurry up angelicas gonna drive away without u **  
**

**_JLau:_** sorry but I think Eliza’s a little  
**_JLau_ has sent an image**  
**_JLau:_** preoccupied

 ** _Peggles:_** ELIZABETH  
**_Peggles:_** R U TWO KISSING

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** JOHN WTF WHERE EVEN ARE YOU

 ** _JLau:_** ;)

 ** _SonofaGod:_** aw look elizas got flowers in her hair

 ** _maRYEa:_** thank you hercules for acknowledging my MASTERPIECE

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i mean how could i not

 ** _maRYEa:_** youre so good to me herc

 ** _JLau:_** sometimes I feel like Maria and herc are dating

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah, they’re relationship is… interesting.

 ** _Peggles:_** angelicas driving away

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** NO WAIT HOLD ON IM COMING

 ** _JLau:_** awww  
**_JLau_ has sent an image**  
**_JLau:_** Maria kissed her forehead what a sweetheart

 _ **Labaguette:**_ I ship it

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I do, too.

 ** _SonofaGod:_** i think everyone ships it

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Even Washington ships it.

 ** _Peggles:_** i feel lik washington stans all of our relationships

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I can confirm: he does.

 ** _JamesCatison:_** Did you make it to the car Eliza?

 ** _Peggles:_** were gone so

 _ **TooGoodForThisWorld:**_ No I didn’t  
**_TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Alex tell Washington me and Maria are coming to his room SINCE MY SIBLINGS DECIDED TO ABANDON ME

 ** _Peggles:_** hey i told u angelica would leave without u

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HER

 ** _Peggles:_** and risk being thrown out of a moving vehicle? no thanks

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Wait, you and Maria?

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Yeah she missed the bus

 ** _maRYEa:_** oops

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** Washington’s cool with driving us home right?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Yeah, as long as your parents are okay with it.

 ** _TooGoodForThisWorld:_** They always are

 ** _maRYEa:_** ill ask but im sure theyre fine with it  
**_maRYEa:_** saves them the trip

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** are we just not gonna talk about the fact that Laurens is a stalker?

 ** _JLau:_** it was for a noble cause

 ** _SonofaGod:_** all cute gay shit must be documented  
**_SonofaGod:_** you understand

 ** _jefferdonewithyourshit:_** I don’t really

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Me either

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Wow, Burr’s actually in the chat for once in his life.

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Well school is over

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** Still, shouldn’t you be studying or something?

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I’m on the bus?

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’ve seen you surmount larger obstacles.

 ** _Peggles:_** lol i just pictured burr jumping over the bus like it was one of those hurdles from track and field

 ** _JLau:_** were his legs like really long?

 ** _Peggles:_** obviously  
**_Peggles:_** they would have to be to get over something so big

 ** _JLau:_** lol

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I like how you think it should be obvious that Burr’s legs would need to be long to jump over a bus when it’s physically impossible for a person to jump over a bus in the first place.

 ** _Peggles:_** hence the long legs

 ** _JLau:_** yeah Alex aren’t you supposed to be smart or something

 ** _AHamSandwich:_** I’m a literary person, not a physicist.

 ** _Peggles:_** ew big words

 ** _JLau:_** you’re a big word

 _ **Peggles:**_ lol  
**_Peggles:_** why is that so funny

 ** _JLau:_** it’s not you’re just delirious

 ** _Peggles:_** yes

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** I hate all of you I don’t know why I even read this chat

 ** _Peggles:_** because u secretly love us

 ** _Burrrrrn:_** Must be pretty freaking secret then because I don’t even know about it

 ** _JLau:_** wow that hurt

 ** _Peggles:_** yea burr ur so mean

 ** _JLau:_** meanie

 ** _Peggles:_** meanie weenie

 ** _JLau:_** meanie weenie beanie

 ** _Peggles:_** meanie weenie beanie geanie

**_Burrrrrn_ has left the chat**

**_JLau:_** oops

 ** _Peggles:_** im not sorry this is what he wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next:
> 
> Peggles: wow it took you five whole minutes and lafs dramatic flare to say we should throw alex a surprise party when we were all already thinking that?
> 
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: shut up peggy  
> Angel-Hair-Pasta: its all about presentation


End file.
